He cheated on me...and even worse, he cheated on me with a slut...Ugh! I cannot believe that once again I have given my love and body to a loser. Don't get me wrong. Things hadn't been going perfectly before my recent discovery. The typical signs had started to crop up: he stopped calling as often; he took a bit longer to reply to my texts...etc.
Subconsciously, i knew we were in trouble but I was afraid to affirm my fears. So like an insecure fool, i started being extra sweet to him. Sending him gay msgs on his phone and pretending to be happy. When i realised this wasn't changing anything, i thought I needed to change to make him want me again. So I wore make up (as in errthang...blush, powder, falsies, eyeshadow EVERYTHING) everytime i saw him. i bought new outfits and lingerie for whenever he'd come to visit. I started getting paranoid and felt that maybe if only i had a smaller this and a bigger that...everything would go back to normal. i knew i'd gone past desperate when i bought him an extremely expensive birthday present which i couldn't afford.
Still the flirtatious wall posts and the suspect midnight calls from girls still persisted. The suspicion was driving me crazy so i decided to do what we ladies do best: investigate. It wasn't long before I had solid proof that he had played me with several girls.
i must admit that I should have left a long time ago. I can't squash the feeling that he probably stopped feeling me a long time ago and was too much of a coward to tell me and so started acting up so I'd take the bait and break up with him myself.... Well...I got the message loud and fucking clear.
im angry because I always pride myself on the fact that no guy ever messes with me but this time I was officially "chopped and screwed" (sorry i just had to do it.lol) i am mad that he betrayed me; i am mad that I got to the point where I questioned my own beauty and appeal; and finally, I am angry that I was scared to admit to myself that I had to let go.
I broke up with him two weeks ago. Sad innit? Im not gona lie and say I feel better and all that. it sucks big time. It hurts even more because he didn't even try to change my mind...i loved him and we'd been together for two years and i still miss him like crazy. But, admittedly, the tears are getting fewer and fewer.
I still haven't told anyone its over yet. i don't know why. maybe i'm embarassed. i cannot wait until i'm over this. it hurts too much. never knew i could be so emotional. its disgusting. but, as corny as it sounds, that asshole taught me to trust my instincts and to never compromise my values or change who i am to make someone else happy.
